THE COMMUNIST APTITUDE TEST
Welcome, comrade! Have you ever wondered if you are a real communist?
Have you had sleepless nights in expectation of our next purge?
We now have the solution for your troubles! With the Communist
Aptitude Test you can now be sure of your faith! Try it on your
family and friends too! Earn extra points for turning in all
the petty bourgeois deviationists you can spot!
Part I - Marxist-Leninist Theory
1. Marx's predictions as laid down in "Das Kapital" were:
(a) wrong, as evidenced by the real world.
(b) wrong, due to a capitalist conspiracy.
(c) the real world is a capitalist conspiracy.
2. When the Party's theoretical line is proved wrong by the facts, the
"scientific socialist" thing to do is:
(a) junk the theory and search for a new explanation which fits the
(b) junk the facts and search for a new explanation which fits the
(c) blame it on the class enemies who proved the theory wrong.
(d) jail or shoot anyone who does not believe in the theory,
Part II - Applied Marxism-Leninism
1. Communist governments have invariably turned into:
(a) brutal and corrupt dictatorships which impoverish the workers, as
in North Korea.
(b) classless paradises of freedom and prosperity, as in North Korea.
(c) brutal and corrupt dictatorships which impoverish the workers, as
a logical first step towards establishing a classless paradise of
freedom and prosperity.
(d) true freedom and prosperity consist in submission to a brutal and
corrupt dictatorship which impoverishes the workers.
2. A rich communist is:
(a) a class enemy nevertheless.
(b) an impossibility, all communists are working-class.
(c) a honorary proletarian regardless of wealth.
(d) a member of the Nomenklatura.
3. Where would you rather spend your vacations?
(c) North Korea.
If you answered mostly (a) - What are you doing here? You are a
reactionary and an enemy of the people. Go away!
If you answered mostly (b) - You are not a communist yet, but you would
make an acceptable fellow traveller. Try having your brain removed and
take the Test again next year.
If you answered only (c) or (d) - Congratulations comrade! You are a
full red-blooded communist!
Please send us your Communist Aptitude Test score to the Party HQ
along with a $ 100 application fee. No roubles or Cuban pesos
accepted. U.S. dollars preferred.